God is Blogging

I've tried going without blogging. Even so far as deleting 2 blogs... but me blogging is inevitable. There's something cathartic about it. I can express myself in words in a way that my vocal chords won't allow... without shame or guilt... until I push the publish button. But even that doesn't stop me. It's true, there are some topics that I wish I could write about but the courage is not there.

Blogging has made me a little more courageous and more self-aware. First I started documenting all the fun stuff that I've been doing... then I turned more inward and exploring my thoughts and experiences more holistically. I've been trying to live my life differently everyday. And, I hesitate to say this, I'm trying to find God. I know He's there... but I've yet to open my heart and soul to Him fully.

I know many doubt His existence. But, to be totally blunt, if He doesn't exist then I don't want to live. What's the point of life if He doesn't exist? To me, God is Love. And I want that. I want to experience it. I want a pure Love.

Religion? I guess I'm Catholic. For a long time I was "Catholic" kneeling and sitting when told, saying the repetitive words of prayers, but really disagreeing with many of the dictates of the Catholic Church.

What am I now? I am a Spiritual Catholic. Catholic by tradition but not like an American Catholic. I want to understand what His Will for me is. If it is living everyday alone with His Love then I accept and welcome Him. If it is to eventually find Him (Love) in another, then so be it. I guess the whole point is, I've stopped questioning Him. It is His Will and not mine. I've stopped fighting.

I believe in free will and "fate". God gave us free will yet he has also determined a purpose for us. Everyday our free will allows us to choose His Way or another. It is our choice to follow Him or our own selfish, earthly desires.

So, why do I say God is Blogging? It is for me. I know everything I write, He has already seen in my heart and soul. Wasn't the Bible written by prophets? I'm in no way trying to say I'm a prophet. Not at all. I am just a simple human on this earth trying to find her way home, to Love. And I intend to write without the censorship of shame holding me back.