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al·tru·ism (l tr- z m)
That's what my ex just said.
I'm sitting at Starbucks wondering what to write... and he says to
write about him...
I was sitting at work yesterday jumping from one call to another, one
email to another, shuffling from one paper to another and i see a
Me: Oh my god! They let you back into the country?
It's the second ex that gave me a call. It's the second ex that I'm
sitting at Starbucks with right now.
When will I ever learn...
"Hen night" is essentially a bachelorette party. HC's hen night was
Dinner in packed Times Square. Did I mention how much I hate TS?
It's the people. But, yesterday, the oppressive humidity and heat
tripled my hatred. Ugh. It took me a few drinks to get over it. The
Italian restaurant we dined in is a tourist trap. If you're a NY'er
you probably know which one I'm talking about. I've been there before
but was sorely disappointed with the food this time around.
We settled in for the night at Kanvas (not Kansas) a lounge in
Chelsea. Liquor, music and dancing. That would be a good summary of
the evening. I don't think anyone was more surprised than myself when
HC actually started dancing. I've known her for over 10 years and
don't think she even danced at our senior prom! I am proud to say she
didn't break out the running man or the lawnmower!
I met "E", HC's friend. I became E's wingwoman. As E's wingwoman I
somehow ended up kissing "Popeye".
Popeye was a guy I noticed while still sober. I immediately named him Popeye because of his arms. Did I mention that Popeye was one of my favorite movies/cartoons growing up?
Somehow after a few hours of dancing and a good amount of alcohol, E and I were spanking Popeye and his friend, Brandon (?). Me getting a lapdance somehow followed their spanking. Which lead to grinding. Which led to kissing. Which led to getting my hair pulled. Which led to getting my ass spanked. Which led to Popeye somehow getting to second base. Did I mention all of this was at the bar?
E is trouble. E and I have to hang out again!
The evening ended at 3am - relatively early still. Blowing smoke out the train doors at Jamaica station, I made conversation with a young fireman who lives a town away from me.
Then weirdness... Some random dude walking through the train is like "Hey, you work at (company name), right?". "Um, yeah....". "Yeah, you work on 23 right?". "Uh, no. I used to be on 22, though. Do I know you?" "No, I was meeting a friend for lunch who works there and I saw you". "Are you serious? Are you just f'ing with me?". "No, really. I saw you on Wall St. Do you know Brian?".
All I could think was.... shit, he's going to tell his friend he saw me really wasted on the train. Damn. I wonder if his friend is cute...
make a lemon loaf.
I'm sitting at a novel Starbucks - the entire front of the store is
open to the outdoors - eating a slice of their lemon loaf accompanied
by green tea (decaf - because my old body can't handle caffeine late
I've been on a diet but had the type of day that requires spoiling
oneself. In fact, I've had those types of days quite frequently over
the last few months thereby necessitating a diet.
One positive that made me smile today - the guy that I think is cute
at work (hereby forever to be known as "Macho Man") stopped by my
cube. Unfortunately he has a knack of stopping by when I'm
incapacitated by snorting laughter or work. This time around I was
actually working. Didn't see him around so much today which is
actually good. It's hard not to check out his butt as he walks by.
Did I mention I work in HR and sexual harassment of any kind is a huge
Geez, what I would give to be sexually harassed right now.
Work has gone from bad to worse. I used to walk in and know exactly
what I needed to do that day. Now I walk in, get settled at my desk
and feel an overwhelming urge to walk out.
I spent most of this weekend outdoors - Saturday running errands and
Sunday hanging with friends and family.
Did I mention it's my anniversary? Next Monday would mark my 2nd year
being back in NY. Maybe my unconscious was aware of the impending
date this weekend. Saturday afternoon I drove out to visit my former
mentor's tea shop. Let's call her Capricorn Pat. A fellow Capricorn
that I first encountered when I started in HR. She impressed me with
her frankness and creativity. Then I heard her curse (repeatedly) and
became enamored. What have I learned from my mentor? HR sucks.
And the company that I left two years ago? I found out the CEO
resigned and joined a competitor. A huge disappointment to me. I was
soooo in love with him. Well, not in love. I just thought he was
really hot, intelligent, and charismatic. I thought he was going to
change my former company around. Now I don't even know if it'll be
around for another 5 years.
Oh, the times how they are achanging.
I want out of this corporate stint. I just don't know what else I
could do. Maybe I could grow lemons for a living and open a lemonade
stand on the side. "They" say the trick is to find a job doing what
you love... But I don't know what I love. I feel as if I am the age
where I should be past defining/finding myself. But the truth is, I
feel that journey has just begun...
My mentor called me "determined". And I was astounded. How can one
with no direction be determined? Or maybe... I'm following a course
that has been pre-determined long ago... and I'm simply trying to
uncover the tracks.
Well, that is enough deep thinking for me... I'm just going to hope
that for the rest of the week I end up with something sweeter than
Long time no update, I know...
I am an addict. I can't stop drinking coffee... I down about 3 cups a
day... "nectar of the gods" as I affectionately call it.
Interestingly enough, my alcohol consumption is inversely related to
coffee consumption (translation - I'm not boozing up as much anymore).
In fact, it's been several weeks since I've had a drop of an
alcoholic beverage. Surprising, isn't it?
I am an addict. I can't stop smoking. I blame it on work stress.
But it's really my fault. I know I can stop. I. Just. Don't. Want.
To. Today. partially because...
I am an addict. I miss sex. So much. Had my annual women-doctor visit.
"Are you sexually active?".
Discussion of unsafe sexual practices in my deep, dark and distant past.
"We'll also give you a pregnancy test..."
::guffaws:: "The time that has elapsed since I've last had sex would
be enough time for me to give birth".
I am an addict. I love my new car. I love driving a stick. I love
the pulse of the road in my hand. It's sexy... It's fast... Sunroof
open, sun beating on my dark arms, music pounding...
I am an addict. My arms are 20 shades darker than my tanned legs. I
look like two different people. Yet, I can't bring myself to stop
I am an addict. I love food. Yet I hate it. I have to lose 30
pounds... that's right, 30! How? Drinking coffee and eating fruit.
Five pounds down... only 25 more to go...
I am an addict. I have overslept for the last 3 days... missing my
5:30 gym date for the last 3 mornings. This weekend will be spent at
I am an addict. I love to dream about the possibilities. But am
usually too scared to action on them. Scared, why? I don't know why.
The possibility of public embarassment I suppose. Or the possibility
that I overanalyze a situation too much. Or the possibility of
falling head over heels in love which leads to the possibility of
heartbreak. All of these thoughts over a glance and a "hey"... I
know the potential is there... I know it's against the rules... I
know it would be wrong... but would feel so good...
I celebrated the 4th of July. Not because it is the anniversary of America's (read USA) independence from the tyrannical hand of Britain. Not because the colorful and loud fireworks amuse me. And certainly not because of the family bbq's I'm forced to attend. I celebrated because... it was a 3 day weekend. A. Paid. Three. Day. Weekend.
What is the significance of a paid three day weekend? It's my first paid 3 day weekend in exactly 1 year. Why is that you ask? Because the 4th of July was also my second official day as a"Fill-in-the-blank Company Name" employee.
My First Day...
Was like any other. I wish I could say something happened that would make it memorable but it has already blurred into every other day from the past year. The last year with this company has been... challenging. Is that PC enough? The good, the bad and the ugly. I saw it all. And, I'm prepared for more ugliness. I keep on hoping things will get better. I try to appear optimistic to everyone else. But I'm just as cynical and jaded as the long-timers.
Meet the Sideways... Sideways the Fockers...
I left at 3:30pm on my first day of work. Battled the Hamptons Assholes in Penn Station. Stopped for a Coors Lite. And was drunk by 4pm. Arrived home at 4:30 only to collapse and sleep until 7. My mom awoke me and, not surprisingly, when I looked at the clock I thought I was late for work. Silly me didn't realize it was 7pm and still Friday night. I drove around aimlessly before deciding to get some movies - Meet the Fockers and Sideways. MTF sucked. Sorry, Ben Stiller. I still love your funny, cute Jewish ass but Meet the Fockers was a sequel. And, as we all know, sequels unequivocally suck compared to the original. I thought I would enjoy Sideways more... but I didn't. The whole cheating plot continues to irk my conscience.
I spent Saturday with a special person at Long Beach. We discussed attributes of passing cars over coffee. Shared deep thoughts sitting on the boardwalk as a glorious sunrise colored the ocean various shades of pink and purple. Dinner and drinks at a neighborhood restaurant. And a night of dancing on Beech Street. And, true to his word, I was delivered to my bed safe and sound.
It was everything that would make a great date. Except I was with my cousin. If only I was with that certain someone instead...
Sunday is for rest... not line dancing...
I slept. They danced.
The Search for Illegal Contraband...
My mission, as I chose to accept it, was to find sparklers for HC's 2 year old daughter. I dressed carefully knowing my appearance could only help. "Look innocent but show skin" was the look I was going for and set off for Chinatown. I visited shop after shop. And all I had to show was a box of those sweet pork buns. No one would sell me sparklers. I think they're racist because I don't speak Chinese. dee-yo-gown-a.
That stands for boring bbq. A family bbq. No booze. Nobody interesting. Just food (which I couldn't eat after seeing all the stuffed looking flies napping on the food) and more damn line dancing. I snuck out before I died of boredom.
Fire-fwerks were the highlight of my weekend. After sneaking out of B-BBQ I went to HC's for just-prepared food and booze. BC, the most adorable 2 year old on the planet, and I chased fireflies and tried to spot fireworks lit by neighborhood punks (aka kids). She referred to both as "fire-fwerks".
Terms of Endearment
I have this habit of using terms of endearment. My usuals are: toots, pumpkin, baby, and stud. Embarrassing, no?
Little BC kept on saying "Honey" while we were playing. I thought she was looking for her dog "Sammy". Later, we guessed that little BC was actually calling me "Honey". Ok, let's say it all together now... "Awwwwww".
And, on that sweet note, I bid y'all goodnight. Don't know how much I'll be updating... Work (complete with a severance package) and planning for a (bacchanalian yet still classy) bachelorette party will be keeping me busy.
In an effort to calm down from work-related stress, I made the mistake
of reading through my Dec 2004 archive... Big. Mistake.
2005 is halfway over and I don't have anything interesting to say
about the last 6 months. Sadly enough, I had such high hopes for this
year. All I've done is work. And, right now, I'm not even liking my
job all that much.
Outside of forced human interaction at work (it's a mandatory part of
my job), my personal life is non-existent. Partly by choice. I've
managed to become more and more a recluse in the past 2 months. I
come home, read my books and attempt to sleep without getting
I feel like I need a change. Something different. Maybe I'll quit my
job, pack a backpack and try to rough it. I'll get a job that doesn't
involve being hunched over a keyboard all day in a human-size
aquarium. Maybe I could be a waitress or a bartender. Maybe I can
escape the hustle and bustle of "the city" and move to the boonies.
Where life is simpler. Maybe I could get a factory job. I've always
wanted to be good with my hands. Or, maybe I could become a tollbooth
collector. Wouldn't it be nice to be a mail-person in a small town
where everyone knows your name?
Life used to be so exciting. Now my head hits the pillow dreading the next day.
I have a few more stacks... but I figure that's enough to keep you busy for now... oh, and don't forget about The Old Man and the Sea...
If you needed anymore reasons to call me a dork, here they are in
- Long Beach on Friday night: My cousin has been feeling a little
lonely so when he called Fri night I didn't have any other choice but
to drag my lazy butt out of bed, get dressed and go out. We ended up
driving to Long Beach and he was amazed at the resemblance to
California (but no palm trees). Parked the car (thank you for free
parking), and walked down the boulevard searching for 1) Food, 2)
Alcohol and 3) Cute men/women for us to stare at all night. We found
1 and 2 but not 3. We called it a night early and I drove back
wishing I lived closer to the water.
Dork Reason 1: I went to a potentially extremely romantic place with
my cousin and couldn't even find a cute man (relatively close to my
age) to at least smile at.
- Dim Sum and Museum Saturday: It didn't happen because I passed out
and didn't wake up until 12:30pm... and I was supposed to meet WT at
11:30 am. Imagine my embarassment when I heard "hey gigi, i'm on the
way home already".
Dork Reason 2: I'm a sucky friend.
- Line Dancing: BECAUSE I didn't go to the city I got stuck line
dancing. At home. In my basement. With my family. That's right. I
was LINE DANCING at home in MY basement with my FAMILY. And, then,
just to amplify my embarassment and horror... I somehow ended up the
dance leader directing my rhythm-less, profusely sweating family.
Dork Reason 3: LINE DANCING - 'nuff said.
- Hooters: Not mine, that one with other women's t&a stuffed in
tight white tees/orange shorts, a bar and horrible wings. Went there
with the cousins after line dancing.
Dork Reason 4: I went already knowing that I hate the wings.
Dork Reason 5: I caught the eye of a cute guy then realized he was
- JBH: We went to a local townie bar and left after 1 drink. No one
there worth my drunken staring so we went to another bar.
Dork Reason 6: Started talking to a guy because I was bored by the
non-conversation conversation. Cute, young and blue collar. I ended
up home alone.
I can't believe it's Thursday already. The week flew by. And, the
question on everyone's mind, what are you doing this weekend?
My answer, nothing. Not a damn thing.
I'm likely going to end up at the museum checking on the Chanel
exhibit and maybe even buy me a new ride.
I've tired of the "beer and coffee" diet that I've been on lately. So
I'm making an attempt to be sober for the next month. That will
inevitably mean sitting at home Fri and Sat nights twiddling my
That actually doesn't bother me one bit. In fact, I'm looking forward
to it. I've gotten into the weird routine of buying a book heading
home from Penn Station and finishing it that same night.
I am hoping that my voracious reading habits will make me a better
writer, maybe even help me work on "my book" (which, technically, I'm
writing but doesn't seem to be going anywhere). But, the sad truth is
I'm just spending money and ruining my eyes reading in low light.
I've never been one for imagination. Sarcastic wisecracks, that I can
do. Write imaginative stories and come up with interesting
characters, something I can't do.
I'm just happy that it's Thursday and I haven't killed anyone (myself
included). I'll thank smoking and finding my i-pod (or tampod as IC
refers to it) for assisting me in that almost impossible feat.
Thank God for Fridays.
Ok, it's going to take all my willpower NOT to b1tch about work, so here goes...
I felt an irritation in the crook of my elbow. So I started
scratching it thinking it was a mosquito bite. Surprised that it
wasn't itchy I look down. And, to my horror, find that I have a tiny
itty bitty arm zit.
I'm secretly hoping that it's really a toxic spider bite and I am
going to pass out from the poisonous venom. I will just about do
anything to not have to go to work for a few weeks.
I'm working downtown today and can't concentrate at all. It's noisier
than I'm used to. I'm sitting in the middle of a huge cubicle farm
and unless someone puts a beer at the exit, I don't know if I can find
my way out.
I officially accepted the job and don't have any regrets... well, at
least not major ones.
Oh god, I just got caught on personal email by a big director. Oh
well. Me thinks I need a privacy screen.
Privacy is something I am unlikely to find here. All these people
milling around. My monitor faces the cube entrance. Everyone can
hear every word I say. In fact, I bet they can make out what I'm
typing right now because I'm using one of those loud clickety-clap
I guess on the upside I get to hear what everybody else says....
there is a huge shipment of legos on our floor. I like legos. I like
to sort them into the different colors and build towers alternating
the floors with the different colors.
This kid asked me if I wanted to try speed-dating with him. My
answer, verbatim, was "hell no". My thinking - how much embarassment
can one person take? I'm so shy I bet I would spend the entire 10
minutes stammering "hello" and that's about as far as I would get.
I know I have a ton of things to do at work but I can't seem to get
around to any of them. Maybe I should become an admin. I'll get paid
lots more than I do now (plus o/t) and I'll be able to sit and stare
vacantly at a wall.
Today feels like a Monday. I barely even realized that today is
Thursday. More and more the days have been just blurring into each
other. I hardly even notice the weekends anymore.
I think I need a new hobby - reading is just becoming tedious at this
point. I don't need to hear about these fictional couples who walk
happily into the sunset together.
Maybe knitting? I'll even get a rocking chair. I can knit myself a
shawl to sit in my rocking chair and knit huge blankets.
Ok, maybe not knitting.
Dance lessons... I was planning to take Latin Dancing through the
Learning Annex but I never signed up. What if I don't have a partner?
What if I decide to wear heels and fall flat on my face? What if I
What else is there?
I'm in such a fog that I entered the wrong pin number when I went to
the ATM. Actually, for a few seconds I forgot my pin number and ended
up entering an old one.
Dreary, absolutely dreary.
I can't wait to run out of here at the end of the day and get back to
my midtown home.
This letter is to inform you of my decision to resign effective
yesterday, June 14, 2005.
My desire to continue in my previous capacity is overshadowed by a
lack of all-important time. As you may know, I currently have another
full-time job which takes up to 60 hours per week of my life. The
unpredictability of hours, as well as the overwhelming strain on my
body, soul and mind, have caused me to (pardon my French) "F' Up"
It is at this point that I disgracefully resign from my position as
VP, Global Events Management.
As always, I appreciate your support and patience. CV has graciously
accepted the role. I think you will find her organizational skills
and city knowledge a welcome change. I have no doubt that you will
support the transition as I have.
With humble regards,
Is there a more embarassing moment than hovering over a toilet bowl,
working on getting a nice wad of t.p., only to look up and realize
someone has walked in on you?
It's happened to me on several occassions. I must have some
The last time was this past weekend. I was POSITIVE I locked the
door. In fact, I remember checking it. But I must have uncanny
ability to pick dysfunctional latches because, as I attempted to
drunkenly hover over a
to rid my body of the toxins of 2 hours of straight drinking, the
stall door opened.
Is it just me? Is there anyone else out there who has walked out of a
stall red-faced due to an involuntary flashing??
I feel completely stretched to my limit and crap keeps on pouring on
me. I'm like one of those papertowel commericals... where they pour
water a papertowel and you hold your breath until the exact moment
when you know it's going to break... and it surprises you by still
Well, that's as poetic as I'm going to get today. I know, that wasn't
poetic at all. All I'm hoping is I make it until 5pm, pack up my desk
and enjoy my evening...
Who wants to bet a fire breaks out at work and I'm stuck here? Or,
will I pack up and just leave?
Fat is a funny thing. Did you ever notice how it jiggles? Like it's
happy to be around and wants to show everyone. Or how it rolls up on
itself. Or, when youo get as fat as me, it starts to pucker into
Fat is especially funny on my body. Please note, there has never been
a time I haven't been fat. But the fatness is never static. It comes
and comes and comes... then goes for no reason whatsoever.
I realized today at 7pm that I haven't eaten in over 24 hours. This
has happened a few times in the last week. I just forget to eat. I
have no appetite. Of course, I'm still smoking like a chimney. My
pants feel looser and my armfat ceases to stop moving in only 10
seconds rather than the typical 20 seconds.
All those factors probably have something to do with the fact that my
face doesn't seem as fat as it usually does. Or, maybe I'm just
allergic to food. It causes my body to swell up, get it?
Haha, lame attempt at a joke.
Anyway, congratulate me. If I keep on this track, maybe I'll end up
at my high school anorexic weight again.
Corporate Pee-On. But you can call me Pee-On for short. Shit, you
may as well just call me Pee.
I'm taking the job. I'm not exactly happy about it which is weird
considering I've been waiting almost an entire year to hear their
offer. My fear, I tell them I accept and they rescind the offer.
Bawk! Bawk! Bawk!
I feel like a chicken. I forcefully announced on Thursday that if I
were to get at least one interview by close of business Friday I would
be working through the end of my contract (July 15). I had a call
back by cob Thursday for an interview today (which I probably should
be getting ready for now since it's in 1 hour) and by cob Friday had
another one scheduled for tomorrow morning.
So... Do I have the balls to quit as I promised myself Thursday? I
could just ride out the contract (they need me to stay at least until
mid-July to find someone else - short-staffed as usual) and collect
unemployment... Enjoy the beach and sun for a month until I get
established at another company... or I could be a chicken and accept
the offer currently on the table... branding me an OFFICIAL SUCKER but
at least an EMPLOYED OFFICIAL SUCKER...
Advice please... Please someone tell me what to do!!!
'Wife-Beaters" are those white ribbed tank tops. I live in them on
weekends. Since I have today off, I drove to Long Beach to sit in
Starbucks and study up before an interview this afternoon. Hopefully,
in between a conference call at 1130 am and 3pm interview I'll be able
to squeeze in a walk on the beach.
I've also noticed that wife-beaters are great for picking up guys (not
on purpose, of course).
I've been sitting here for about an hour and already got a phone
number. Shit, if only I could wear wife-beaters to work.
Good news, I have another interview this week. That would make a
total of 2. One is on the Island and the other is for THE ISLAND.
Wish me luck!
Do you think I could find a place where I could wear wife-beaters to
work and there are hot, straight, professional un-married men?
PS - Another guy came over. Old dude. I could see his white nose hairs.
Friday night -
Taxicab Ride #1
On my way for a karaoke-funfilled night with AO - JO's brother. We
headed to Midtown East for drinking, singing and drunken dancing.
Taxicab Ride #2
Stumble into a cab back with AO for a ride to Penn. In previous 5
hours, I managed to get extremely drunk, get a lap dance, slip my hand
into the back of a guy's pants to find out that he wasn't wearing
underwear (command with jeans! can you say "ouch" wth me?), sing a
song (badly, as only i can) and get extremely turned on by
before-mentioned no underwear, lapdance,
singing-voice-that-can-make-you-swoon... damn celibacy is killing
me... too bad he's bi and already has a girlfriend (who is very cute
and a darn good dancer)
Taxicab Ride #3
Still with AO going back to "the Park". I passed out on train and,
luckily, missed the puking 2 rows back. I guess it wasn't projectile
because I didn't have any puke on me
Saturday Night -
Taxicab Ride #4
Going from a boxing match at Madison Square Garden to another bar.
John Duddy was fighting. He ended up winning the match but I didn't
think he was totally 100%. Oh well, "You can never beat the Irish".
At bar #1, we pay $10 each to see the Tyson-McBride fight. Woohoo!
McBride beats Tyson. Of course that's because Tyson QUIT but didn't
matter. He definitely wasn't on top of his game. Just fightin to pay
da bills. Outside the bar I end up hooking up with this guy. Not a
good kisser. But I suppose any is better than nothing.
Taxicab Ride #5
Going to another bar I sit on guy-I-hooked-up-with (GIHUW) lap. It's
4 of us in the back seat. He proceeds to kiss my neck and almost cop
cheap feels. I feel bad for the two girls sitting with us. I hope
they don't notice. I find out later that they did. I wasn't really
into it but it was the most action I've gotten in months.
Taxicab Ride #6
Couldn't get into the bar because GIHUW forgot his ID. Walked around
westside following a can't-control-herself-drunk (CCHD) who obviously
had no idea where we were going. I insisted on heading south yet she
headed north. Uh, loser... Another cab ride to another bar where we
settle in for the evening.
Taxicab Ride #7
CCHD got kicked out of the bar because she was annoying a group of
customers. Shit, she was annoying me too. I was just dancing,
watching the other customers and hooking up with GIHUW who proceeded
to almost beg me to come over his place. Uh, no. We proceed to cross
a street and CCHD falls all over the street. She obviously doesn't
want to get up and just wants to get some attention. HC and HC's
sister in law try to pick her up and I just watch. HC demands I help
her up and I just shake my head. HC, don't you know she's doing this
on purpose? A bad drunk can't be helped.
We loiter on a street corner for almost an hour. I watch the hilarity
ensue. CCHD keeps jumping into the street being the stupid drunk that
she is. HC's husband (PC) and CCHD's exboyfriend are sent out to
collect her at various points. PC tries to hook up his sister with
some scary Mediterranean dude. Finally, when he start pushing up on
her, I request PC to get him away from her. PC, for reasons
unbeknownst to me, picks him up and not-so-gracefully deposits him on
the sidewalk. Creepy mediterranean dude takes this as his cue to
I get tired after wearing heels all day and sit on a ledge. GIHUW
joins me and proceeds to continue on embarassing himself. A hookup is
a hookup. Sorry, buddy. HC, I know he's PC's friend but come on - I
don't know if his dick is clean!
Final cab ride in Manhattan to Penn with 2 couples in the backseat.
Lots of kissing and groping. Then I'm off to Long Island.
GIHUW, sorry but not smooth enough for me. Low self-esteem is not a
turn on. Neither is all tongue while smooching. You seem nice enough
but just not the guy for me. Note, I also can't deal with a guy who
drinks all the time. I have trust issues (meaning, I need to be able
to trust someone).
Taxicab Ride #8
My last of the weekend. From my LIRR stop only 12 blocks home. Dude
next to me wants to talk to me but, thankfully, doesn't. I avoid all
eye contact. There's only so much cab-hookups that one girl can
handle in a weekend. He did have nice eyes and shoulders though.
About a year ago, I walked into my Sr. VP's office, told him I wasn't
happy and have decided to give enough notice for them to find a
replacement for me. I left a month and a half later.
I've been at the same company for almost a year working as a
consultant. I accepted the position because I was supposed to be
converted after 2 months. Politics and bureacracy, rarely ever found
in companies (::sarcastic::), reared it's ugly head and prevented that
from happening. Yet I waited it out and after a year of working my
(fat) ass off, I finally have an offer.
Here's the offer (in my words) -
You will have no title and work for crap money in an organization that
changes every damn day and expects you to work until you pass out
exhausted. But, if you stay and prove yourself (even though you've
already been here an entire year), maybe we'll promote you, actually
give you a title and add some peanuts to the crap to almost resemble
the texture of crunchy peanut butter.
The original offer had a title but for some reason they decided I am
not worthy and took it away.
So... I have two choices:
Choice A: Be a sucker, take the no title-pennies they are offering.
Keep on working insanely hard and pray they promote me and give me
some type of increase.
Choice B: My contract ends July 15, 2005. I leave at the end of my
contract, collect unemployment while looking for a job and enjoy my
The promise of an increase isn't enough to keep me here. I've had
that at another company which ended up freezing increases and
promotions. Besides, it's not so much about the money.... there is
If you had to make a bet on which choice I end up choosing, which
would you pick?
Not much time for updating but here's a quickie...
- Manager resigned and her last day is Wednesday. I am devastated
beyond belief. Met my new manager and she seems nice enough. I've
also heard that she's great... I'm going to move to the downtown
sometime in the future. Not ecstatic about that but there's not much
I can do about it. Two nice things about moving downtown: 1) In
house cafeteria, 2) Slightly shorter commute
- Friday night it rained and I slept.
- Parents and I took an uncle out for a birthday dinner. Then,
because he had never been to Jones Beach, took a walk on the beach.
Picture it - 26 year old walking along the beach with her soon-to-be
60 year old dad, 61 year old mom and 65 year old uncle. Sad, isn't
- Saturday night went out with cousin to nice local bar for strong,
tasty drinks (I also like my men that way). I got a kick out of
hearing the Irish accent I knew I would be hearing Sunday. Is it me
or do Irish accents get even hotter when drunk?
- Sunday was a little 2 year old girl's birthday party. I got there
around 4pm and didn't leave until 2:30 am. I drank, played cards and
pretended I was 5 years old while chugging bottle after bottle of
Oh, and I got kissed by two Irish guys - one Saturday and one Sunday.
Once I get a breath in at work I'll share the sordid details...
So much going on yet still nothing interesting to say...
I've fallen into a rut that I can't seem to break out of. I work and
I work. Then I work more. There are distractions in between work but
then I feel guilt and get to work even earlier and stay later.
My fear is that one day I wake up 10 years from now and all I have to
look forward to is work and whatever tv show that will be on that
night. I have always been a workaholic and very focused on growing my
career but I've gotten to thinking that having too successful a career
can be more of a detriment. But I guess in some ways always focusing
on work keeps me from having to think about the lack of success in
As for the present moment I'm going to return to the vicious cycle....
I attended a wedding on Sunday (see link for the happy couple) and,
honestly, had the best time. And, yes, I cried. My eyes welled with
tears when she walked down the aisle. She looked so beautiful. I
cried when I heard "Because You Loved Me" during the father-daughter
dance. And the tears wouldn't stop during the cake cutting and
"Growing Old with You" playing in the background.
I can blame it on old age but it's more likely plain old
heart-wrenching loneliness but, whatever the cause, this is the most
I've ever cried at any wedding.
Well, I'm going to shed a few more tears... while I do that, here are
the lyrics to one of my favorite songs ever....
Adam Sandler - Growing Old With You Lyrics
I wanna make you smile, whenever you're sad
carry you around when your arthritis is bad
all I want to do, Is grow old with you
I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
build you a fire when the furnace brakes
oh it could be so nice growing old with you
I'll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold
need you, feed you, even let u hold the remote control
Let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
put you to bed when you've had to much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you
I have a friend.
We were at a house party, of a friend three times removed, standing in
a coveted spot - a perfect trianguation of the bar, food table and
pool. Close enough to the booming speakers to feel the bass pumping
through my blood but far enough to be able to speak without shouting.
The sun beat down through clear blue skies. The growing crowd sighed
collectively earlier when the sun finally broke through the clouds.
For the past three weeks the weather had been rainy, cold and dreary.
"Anna," she reiterated the introduction firmly, "Not Annie or Ann".
An entire pitcher of white sangria did not effect my recollection of
our first meeting. "Average Anna" was my first thought upon our
introduction. Appearance, demeanor, everything just seemed average.
Anna is not the type of girl you notice walking down the street.
to be continued....
The number 1 reason I look forward to summer (besides raging hormones
and the possibility of seduction) is being able to lay on the Kentucky
bluegrass-filled lawn of Central Park.
For reasons outside of my control, I ended up working on Saturday
(ugh, so much for 3 day weekend). I left after 3 not-so-grueling
hours and walked into a warm, sunshine-y city. Met a friend and
friend-of-a-friend at the Park and just hung out on the lawn still
slightly damp from the previous evening's heavy downpour.
The sight of ominous looking clouds and a caffeine craving sent us to
the TimeWarner center. While walking out of the park, one of the men I
was with exclaimed "BUNNY!!!" with a childlike passion. True to his
word, there was a black and white bunny hopping around the lawn with a
blue harness trailing behind. We all echoed "Bunny! BUNNY!". She
paused by a rock, examined some grass, found it to her liking and
began nibbling. Bunny ran about 50 feet to a nearby fence entertained
a little one in her stroller then ran back to the owner's vicinity.
I do have evidence of this alleged Central Park Bunny sighting and
will post the pic shortly.
I read through the entire listing of secrets and found that, funny
enough, i share quite a few of those secrets.
secrets are a funny phenomena. what we keep from others and
especially those that we keep hidden even from ourselves.
if you show me yours, i'll show you mine...
to be continued....
My readership has fallen and I've been getting complaints.
My recent pessimism (and lack of public sex) seem to have cost me
readers. So, I'm making a promise to change my blog mood (and thereby
my overall mood) to one that is light, airy and downright bubbly.
Have a wonderful weekend!
I've just hit rock bottom. I had to leave my desk to take a walk
around the block for fear of breaking out into tears at my desk.
Why is it that when you think it can't get any worse, life has a
twisted way of just turning your world upside down for the worser?
I know "worser" is not a word but I can't be bothered with semantics
at this point.
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...
I don't know how it happened but somehow my life has turned mundane.
I mean, I still go out (but not as much) and have a good time. But,
most of the time, it's the same old, same old. Wake up, get dressed,
take the train, turn up the volume of my ipod to block out talkers,
email/calls at work then home. Check email, watch a little tv and
attempt to fall asleep at a decent hour.
There are few deviations. Today is an exception that I keep in the
back of my head... it is Monday... 24 is on Mondays... I must be home
to watch 24.
There is one question/decision that lurks in the back of my head everyday.
11:00 AM - my body starts reminding me that a decision must be made soon.
11:30 AM - my brain loses focuses on the 4 emails I'm trying to
11:45 AM - I scream at the top of my lungs, "I'm hungry. What's for lunch?"
My coworkers look at me like I've lost my mind. My growling stomach
now sounds like a lion who wants to be let out of his cage. Still, no
one is ready to eat. I yell again, "I'm hungry!! What's for
lunch?!?!". They continue to ignore me.
I start going through my options... Healthy or Crap?
- Hot Dog
Nothing catches my attention. So I repeat my mantra again...
- Hot Dog
I think fondly back to a time when my only lunch options were Subway
or Burger King. Damn, still no decision and it's already 12:07PM.
- Hot Dog
I marvel at how clean my desk looks... so shiny and organized. Then
remember that I only work after lunch because my brain cells can't
think on an empty stomach. After lunch, my desk will look like a
tornado blew through and puked up papers, pens and those f'n little
- Hot Dog
Maybe I'll put on my ipod... a little soothing music might help....
as the milkway... my cherie amour... mmmm.... milky way...
- Hot Dog
I only have 2 pens left... I need to raid the supply closet...
- Hot Dog
Weakened by my condition, I manage to whisper "I'm hungry. What's for
lunch?". There is no answer... turns out I didn't say anything. I
couldn't form my vocal chords into cohesive sentences.
- Hot Dog
Ooh, a call! Maybe someone wants to run out with me and grab food!
It's my boss. She wants to know if I have pepper. I reply "only
- Hot Dog
My hands are cold. I need protein...mmmm.... burger with ketchup...
- Hot Dog
I stole this from a friend's blog...
The Keys to Your Heart
All this from picking a bunch of animals... And, unbelievably it's all accurate.